Getting Hitched in the Baijan

The season of weddings has started again in Azerbaijan. For some reason, there are usually little to none in May, but my family was hit hard in April, and we already have many invitations for June. As I have mentioned before, weddings are the cultural climax of Azerbaijan. In any culture, it is a beautiful way to exchange traditions and rituals, understand old and new ways, and take part in ceremony. But for Azerbaijani’s it is THE way. In America, we just do not attend as many weddings. First and foremost, we do not invite as many people, and secondly, you can only come if you are invited. But here in AZ, it is much different. I have never been to a wedding below three hundred people and the biggest one has been my host brother’s at five hundred plus. And I have been to more weddings here than I have in my life in America.

I went to a wedding this past weekend in a neighboring village at a house that last year hosted the very first wedding I had ever been to in country. This was and still is the MOST “village” wedding I have ever attended. It had dirt floors, the cotton lettering to say “Welcome” on the sign was falling off, after all the men got extremely drunk, they shot off guns in celebration, there was a huge fight between the drunk men while the women scrambled over plastic chairs to get out of the way, and the groom did not allow the bride to be seen until he was ready to consummate the marriage (Again, this was a village wedding). My family still likes to poke fun at me that I was so scared last year. I would like to point out, there were guns being shot off in the middle of crowds and men were throwing punches next to our table and all of these participants were wasted. Also, I am 90% certain they were a little embarrassed I witnessed this so they joke with me to lighten the mood. So they gave me an extra hard time this year when they told me the other brother was getting married and I was going back. Now, even though I have described before what happened at my host brother’s wedding, I am going to give a brief (or not so brief) rundown of a typical wedding in Azerbaijan. Part of Peace Corps goals are to teach Azerbaijanis about America, and teach America about Azerbaijanis, and if there was one thing an Azerbaijani could tell an American about, it would their weddings. Usually there are two weddings for each couple. The first is called the Girl’s Wedding and the second, the Boy’s. They are nearly identical, except for a few key differences. The Girl’s wedding is always first and usually by a few weeks to a month. The bride can wear any color dress she would like and the guests consist mainly of her relatives, friends, and neighbors with usually only immediate family (first cousins, uncles, aunts) of the groom. At the Boy’s wedding, she must wear white with a red ribbon tied around her waist. Before the wedding, a few ceremonial customs take place, including the brother of the groom tying the red ribbon, walking hand in hand with her father around a lamp three times, and another ritual involving breaking a dish (but I don’t know the exact details and don’t want to be incorrect in saying them). Depending on how conservative the groom (and maybe the bride’s family – but usually he makes the decisions) and his family are, at his wedding, the girl’s mom may or may not be present, and there may be immediate family of hers there or there may not be. Before the Boy’s wedding, the groom along with a parade of cars goes to pick up the bride. Her family brings out all of her suitcases and things because she officially moves to his house that day. Then they bring her out to the wedding and it commences.

There are specific buildings in Azerbaijan solely for weddings. They are called “Wedding Palaces” and are similar to a banquet hall (except only weddings are held here!). Nowadays, it is much more common for weddings to be held at a palace and city folk turn their nose up at the village weddings. Or rather, everyone likes a village wedding as long as it’s not their own. At both the village and palace weddings, tables are split up for men on one side, women on the other (No set spots, sit with whom you like-keeping in mind gender separation). And either down the middle of the table aisles, or a designated spot near the front, people get up and dance. The tables are set with food and often so many plates there is not a place to set your glass for water. The food usually goes like this: Already set on the table is cold food or appetizers: mayonnaise salads, cold chicken legs, fried breaded meat deliciousness, cheese, bread, cucumbers and tomatoes. After people dig in for about a half hour on that, out comes a hot course: usually either the national dish of dolma (ground meat wrapped in grape leaves), or a meat/potato/soup combination. After that is usually kebab. Extremely grilled, usually charred, meat and fat with onions and greens sprinkled on top. All of these courses take about two to three hours (Remember: There can be up to 500 mouths to serve and feed). There is also juice and water (booze at the men’s tables), greens, napkins, salt, sugar for when tea is served, and all plates that haven’t been cleared.

While this is happening, music is usually (blaring) playing up front, and in between people are making speeches. However, unlike America, there are up to fifty people who will say something to the bride and groom throughout the evening, and most of the guests do not actually listen. Everything is videotaped, and the best part of the weddings is getting the DVD or video afterwards. (Truly, the best part is there is no editing, so you see all six hours of a wedding- from the twenty minute drive of getting the bride to every person’s bored face and attempt to avoid the video camera while they are eating). Throughout it all, people get up and dance, but you must be invited to dance. An invitation either comes from the singer/emcee (for example, the bride’s aunts and uncles please come up and dance), or while someone is dancing they’ll lock eyes with you and motion for you to get up and come.

Later in the evening, there will be a little ceremony in which the national meal, plov (good, oily rice topped with chestnuts, meat, and raisins), is brought out with torches and usually served to the bride and groom first and then brought out to the guests. After people eat this there is usually another cake cutting ceremony and then if the youngsters are lucky, a discotheque. Almost everyone gives money to the bride and groom, and it is recorded as it is given (this pays for the seats and food at the wedding, plus hopefully a little more to get the new family started). A region wedding is usually about 20 manat (Azerbaijani currency) per seat, a Baku wedding is 50 to 100 manat a seat. Towards the end, people also bring homemade cakes and chocolate and such because for about two weeks after the wedding, the family will host guests who have come to congratulate the happy couple. Palace weddings last usually five hours, village weddings last days. This weekend we went at 5:30 p.m., the bride arrived at six; everyone went home at two in the morning. However, there were over 100 guests the night before ‘helping’ to prepare for the next day, and there was about 60 more guests the next day celebrating the union of the marriage. Rumor has it at these village weddings, they show the sheet to confirm the bride was a virgin before the wedding. However, at both my host brother’s wedding, and both of these village ones I have been to, I have managed to avoid this ceremony, and therefore cannot confirm this (it absolutely happened in the past, though). I know there is so much more that could be said on this topic. After all, it is the main cultural event here. And while it is pretty standard across the board, there are always variations that could be explained. But, in my not-so-brief brief explanation, there just isn’t time. If you have any questions, I’ll be happy to answer them, though!